I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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