I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
