Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
