Ambien. No doubt about it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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