my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
