She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
