its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I would ride that face into the sunset
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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