Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
