She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
