Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
