I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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