i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
