I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
