I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
