Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
