JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
