Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
