mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
