I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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