turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
