God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
