Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
