The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
