i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
