In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everyone says I win the strip club
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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