gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
