I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
