i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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