The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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