no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
