Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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