you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
MIDGETS
????
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
