Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
