i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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