You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
