Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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