i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
