I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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