You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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