so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
