I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
