they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
