Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
