so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
