I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
