so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
