I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
