and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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