We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
