I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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