in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
