Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
