I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
