HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
