happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
