Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
